Could you imagine if Aerosmith made a movie featuring all of the band’s songs—or a musical, at least? Oh, I sooo could, and I’m sure my good friend, an Aerosmith fanatic, could, too. And as much as Steven Tyler LOVES to sell out these days, I’m sure it wouldn’t be beyond the boys to put something like this into action. If such films were made, of course, what would they look like?
We could have an entire movie based on the band’s songs, played as the soundtrack, of course; or, we could provide each little song with its own film (as some of the band’s videos, like Crazy, nearly do). Here are just a couple of ideas; feel free to add your own.
Cryin’: Let’s have a love story about someone with a really rare disorder where he cries all of the time and he can’t help it. It’s like Tourette’s, but with tears. So he meets another girl with the disease and they cry together all of the time and it’s really moving. I smell an Oscar for this one.
Love in an Elevator: This sounds rather pornish, so let’s shy away from that—just so we can still get nominated for an award—and make it, instead, a story that takes place entirely in an elevator, but instead of the devil being inside or whatever, we have the birth of a baby, taking up the entire two hours. How could anyone not want to see that movie?
Ragdoll: Let’s take a detour from these super poignant and sure to be bestselling films and make something instead that’s more of a film noir, horror, drama, Toys in the Attic meets Chucky type movie. The ragdoll could be locked up children who actually turn out to be maniac killer dolls who are triggered every time they see a clown or a Raggedy Ann picture. The story could take a real turn when the doll-children-killers are somehow set loose upon one of those tiny historic towns that makes a living selling both of these trigger items. I can see the dollar signs now!
Living on the Edge: We need a documentary somewhere, so this is just as good as anywhere to use one. Let’s make a documentary all about people who live on the edge, literally. We could include people who live on the edge of a cliff, or those people who build their houses right on the edge of the road and have people drive into their houses all of the time for comedic effect. We’ll need somebody like Al Gore or Leonardo DiCaprio to narrate and make it really affecting, and end with something uplifting and hopeful, like those rubber bumpers you can put on the edge of tables to keep toddlers from bumping their heads.